021: bad days

it is difficult to tell a story sometimes. on some days, you watch how your words slowly evaporate from your mind’s puddle or sea, depending on the measure of your vocabulary.

for the longest time, Friday mornings opened with a promise, a quiet, a resolve to look into myself and pour out juices for eyes to drink from. today was the exact opposite. my eyes held light and immediately felt like shutting them out for the rest of the day. the day demanded that i touch grass, feel the sun, set my feet on the earth, before noon. i wasn’t prepared for that. i would rather turn on my bed and observe the day form slowly.

i had a call scheduled with LJD for 10am, but i had to cancel because this very Friday had other demands. LJD and i are cooking up something really interesting for every writer in this space. there are a few things i love more than talking about writing. whenever i get the chance to, i often find myself getting lost in expression. if given the chance, i would probably never stop.

this week, i had the opportunity to share my thoughts on writing with another friend, Daniel. maybe the conversations were based off my most recent read, the art of Description by Mark Doty. i cannot unsee how deeply interwoven writing is with living. to see my point, you might have to go beyond the words you read and immerse your mind in something abstract, yet full of life. i am referring to the thoughts that give every piece of written art its colour. writing flows from our thoughts, and thoughts shape how we live. this is the most profound attribute of writing that leaves me in awe. that by writing, i can watch life flow or be inhibited.

“even the sun shines on bad days”

on bad days, you get to sit back, watch the world do its thing and not complain about it. you wade through the hours praying for a reset. yet, they are a blessing. on bad days, you’re forced to figure out how the Lord is meant to be glorified in the chaos. you’re drawn to see that there’s a rhythm of joy playing in your spirit, even though you feel otherwise.

so, i thank God for the bad days too. days when a smile feels too heavy on my lips and my heart weighs heavier than a plane, so it’s difficult to take flight. still, the Lord knows. HE sees, and HE feels.

it took me the entire day to realise that Jesus was with me even while i drowned in my feelings. now, i imagine sitting beside me while i sat in despair and frustration, telling me that HE is worthy of it all.

i will close by sharing an excerpt from Amanda’s Simply Jesus.

with all the love and strength to write the world,

benny.